It Was Always God

It was always God. I tried everything, chased the wind, sought what the world taught me to seek and only obtained suffering, pain, frustration—a terrible and unbearable anguish. An urge to seek, an urge to have, an urge to achieve “success.” I inflicted this pain upon myself. I thought that if I worked harder, tried harder, studied more, persisted more intensely and never gave up, I would succeed. Yet I only hurt myself, placing a burden on my heart that was not mine to carry. No matter how much I exerted myself and sacrificed my peace, I could not force anything to happen. I realized that I do not have control over things. And God would never require that of me.

It was always God who sustained me, always God who held me, always God who nourished me. I do not control the outcome of things; He controls it—He alone. It was always God; I need to allow God to do His part, and I to do mine.