The responsibility that is in my hands feels more like a burden than a blessing. And even so, I see no other possibility — it is my duty: to use what has been revealed to me to the fullest of my abilities. I hope I do not disappoint the world. I hope I do not disappoint Christ. Why me? Who am I? Am I just deluding myself? I have failed many times. I have failed so much that I know I am failing again. Am I not just a narcissist, who sees greatness where there is none? I am tired of doubting myself, but, in the face of the facts, that is all I can do
Even in the presence of faith, doubt takes its place — doubt of oneself. No one can give me this certainty except time itself.
HOW MUCH LONGER WILL I HAVE TO WAIT, LORD? HOW MUCH LONGER WILL I HAVE TO WAIT TO BEGIN TO LIVE? HOW MUCH LONGER WILL I HAVE TO WAIT TO BEGIN TO LOVE?
Time does not come. I wanted a connection. How long will I live alone? Surrounded by angels, but with no one who understands my truth. I prefer to sleep and visit you rather than stay awake. At least then I feel an exchange, a true understanding of my being.
Until when? I no longer want to wait. I do not like doubt, uncertainty — it corrodes us from the inside. A man speaks of what his heart is full of; my heart is full of waiting. The future does not exist, there is only the now. I want to live it in the now. So many signs, so many confirmations, so many synchronicities, but no evidence. No evidence that I am not deluding myself. Forgive me, God, for my impatience.
How I wish I could live that again. How I wish I could love, let that energy flow freely over my body. To be completely open and sincere with a person. Man was not made to live alone. Love is the only energy that completes us, and living blocked from it is what empties our heart. Love is the purest nourishment for the soul. Only by loving can we feed our spirit.
Love is the nourishment of the spirit. Allow yourself to feel love; notice the blessings that God provides in your life, feel gratitude, feel joy, feel love embracing you. Receive these feelings as deep and genuine nourishment, delivered to you by God.
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your understanding, and with all your strength. The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.” — Mark 12:30–31
EVERYTHING IS DIVINELY ALIGNED. EVERYTHING IS PERFECTLY ALIGNED. The Divine guides us in mysterious ways. All we have is the now. Spirituality is always with us, leading us where we must go. What we must live, what we must learn, what we must feel — so that we may learn how to live.
Thank You, Lord. Thank You for guiding me. Thank You for being here. Thank You.
Surrender yourself completely; do not worry about the future. For the Lord, your God, will be with you. Concern yourself only with the now and with God’s will for you at this moment. Serve the Master and love as He loved.
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want… Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff protect me.” (Psalm 23)
YOU WILL NEVER BE BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. NO MATTER HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE. You may try to be more beautiful, intelligent, and rich, but that will not make you better. Because even if you are more beautiful, intelligent, and rich — the other person has a soul. They live, they feel, they think, they suffer, they love. They have a consciousness of their own. And that can never be equated.
Value is not in what you experience, but in the simple act of being able to experience. Your “how” will never be more than the simple living of another soul, of another being. Because every emotion, every feeling, every experience is unique, and felt individually by each one of us.
You may live the greatest adventures, know the most beautiful places in the world, live alongside the most famous people. But this does not increase your value compared to another. For the other continues to be, continues to feel, continues to live, continues to think — their own singular and special perspective to themselves. Comparison is the silent killer that distorts the value of people and creates illusions that only cause pain and suffering.
You are not the most handsome, not the most intelligent, not the richest. But that does not take away your value. Your value lies in your being. In being able to live, to experience love, pain, joy, anguish, companionship, loneliness, anger, peace. You are. You simply are. The experiences of others do not take away the value that is in you, nor do they surpass it. You are a miracle. You exist. With all the singularity of your being. And that is unique and special.
He who holds the absolute truth is the Omniscient. We only have partial perspectives of the truth. If we want to reach a greater understanding, we need to seek it in all sources — exercising critical thinking. Do not alienate yourself in dogmatisms. But, above all, seek the truth.
Alienation will prevent you from discovering new perspectives. It will keep you closed within the same ideas, preventing you from growing. Allow yourself to know different perspectives. Do not argue — question and listen attentively. Seek to understand what leads a person to think in that way. Live the minds of other people — do not stay trapped only in your own. Each consciousness is a universe of its own. Expand your universe, for:
“Everything that a person ignores does not exist for him. Therefore, the universe of each one is limited to the size of his knowledge.” — Albert Einstein
I CAN ONLY OFFER TO THE WORLD WHAT IS PROPER TO ME. What is not proper to me is already in the world — it would just be one more, one more among many. If I am to expose myself, let it be in my own way, with my singularity. The singularity of my being is unrepeatable. Each one has something of value to offer to the world. And the only way to deliver this specific value that exists in me is to be myself.
I dreamed that, one day, I would have a text of mine read and recognized in a major media outlet. I did not even know that I would write something. I received this as a sign that I should create a digital presence. However, as soon as I began, I found myself researching engagement techniques and the “algorithm.” I tried to create something that was not mine, just to go viral, to be able to reach people. I felt a deep frustration — and an emptiness. I did not even want to be recognized. Producing something only to “fit” the algorithm pushed me to the limit. This is not what I want. If I am to produce something, I will not research techniques. I will do something that is sincere to me. For what would be the value if it were a copy?
THE LOVE THAT DOES NOT WAIT. THE TIME THAT DOES NOT PASS. UNTIL WHEN? UNTIL WHEN WILL I WAIT?
Intuition tells me that it is so near… But so much has already passed. My soul cries out. Not for promises. Nor for goods. Nor adventures. Nor fame. I do not want fame. I do not want to show myself to the world. For what? Without higher spirituality, I would be in the abyss. It is Christ who gives me life. I only want to love and be loved. I want a love that understands my silence. A gaze in which I can find the deepest love. Where my heart may rest in complete serenity. I do not want this world. But if it is Christ’s will, then may He take me wherever it is necessary.
If this is what Christ wants from me, so I shall do.
Fragments of an awakened soul 